Hello Beloveds!
It has been a long time since I have been online and while I try to do what I can to keep everyone in the loop, with the hard times faced, it is not always easy to be vulnerable, open…. For me especially as a healer, as ironic it is for me to say.
I have always been an advocate for not comparing ourselves to others, to never see ourselves as less than, especially when challenges and life lessons appear to tear us down. Yet, it is the tearing down and the rebuilding of a stronger, yet more loving, compassionate, and caring soul/human experience that makes all that we go through worthwhile and too makes it truly our finest hours.
Today, I would like to share more of our story with you, as not only is it aiding in the writings of the books I am to share and publish, it aids in my healing as I write this for you. Yet, most importantly, I pray that sharing of our story today may help heal, enlighten, encourage, and give hope to others along the way.
Prior to my stepfather’s illness, my mom was looking to divorce, having surrendered to the realization they simply were not compatible after time and efforts made. When my mom first met her husband to be, he was able to laugh, see some positives in life, despite all he shared with my mom regarding his past and the deep hurts he carried within. He was still able to hold on to hope, faith. This is one of the things she loved about him, as she saw some of these abilities in herself, as she too held a lot of pain from her early years in life. They both knew and understood that pain. It was shortly after their marriage, my mom grew ever stronger into her spirituality, working very hard and diligently to heal current and past life’s traumatic experiences. She has grown into her gifts as a healer of self and a medium in her own right, of which I am truly so very proud of her! Sadly, as time went on, my stepfather no longer shared in any of our beliefs we acquired over the years. In fact, due to his earlier experiences in life caused him to progressively become more negative in nature over the years in finding fault with life, himself, and others… be it his friends, family, or acquaintances he met along the way. As time went on, due to his past that never had a chance to heal, it carried over into in his later years. So, when additional twists and turns of life continue to unfold for him in life, instead of turning to faith or being able to laugh, his impatience and intolerances grew as his once very strong beliefs in a higher power ceased to exists. In time, my mom simply could not endure living in that negativity he shared with her, towards her and with others. It was during this process of proceeding with the divorce, my stepfather fell suddenly ill with encephalitis, which from there created a series of other illnesses for him to endure and overcome. Despite all that transpired with my stepfather, she refused to leave his side. She did the best she could, but sadly, even with my continued aid and assistance… his illness was too much for us to handle on our own. It was then decided by the medical team that we consider sending him to a facility that can give him the 24-hour care he needs, giving her husband and his family the peace of mind we all needed. At first, her husband was angered that he could not die in his own home with our overseeing his care, even if it led to more weeks, months, or even a year of this endurance. But after time, he realized all what we had faced and would continue to face bringing him to the conclusion it would be best for my mom to return home stateside and he moves on to that facility which luckily would be located closer to his family in Montreal, which was about four hours from where my mom and her husband resided near Kingston.
My mom’s divorce dragged on for almost a year due to indifferences, as he refused to share in the profits of the sale for the home they shared in fear, he needed every penny for the new facility he was moving to. Yet, my mom needed her share of the funds to move back to the states (As she sold her home and most of her furnishings to be united with him in Canada). She turned to our gracious Father Creator and our Beloved guides for help and assistance. They assured her to let go. Archangel Michael, reminded her long before all this took place that she was not to rely on her husband financially and to trust Source will provide all she needs, as they indicated back then, her marriage to her husband was nearing an end. As she remembered this, she did not want the divorce to drag on any more. She received a very small portion of the settlement in order to at least get some money to aid us after all we endured caring for her husband when he was ill and to move my mom back home.
It was not long after the divorce details were agreed upon and supported by the courts, that my mom’s health became affected once again. It appeared the stress of all she endured over the past three years caught up with her and was perceived to have affected her heart, as she was feeling heaviness on her chest, shortness of breath. Her being fatigued grew worse over time and she was beginning to lose her balance. This caused her the inability to function around the house to do even the simplest of tasks like take a shower or walk from one side of the apartment to the other, much more leave the house to do any kind of shopping for herself or even get out with friends. Because of her state, I was afraid to leave her alone and much was left up to me to tend to on her behalf, so once again my business was put on hold.
All that we faced the past three years caught up with my mom and I… the tending to my stepfather’s care and seeing his relentless struggles, the relinquishing of my business due to tending to the needs of my family abroad and at home for over two years, as an only child and living relative to my mom; The sale of their home, then having to go through the divorce process of my mom and stepfather witnessing the fears they faced financially, facing the loss of the equal settlement we had hoped for, my mom’s health struggles and concerns, not having the time to dedicate to the books I am meant to write and our plans we had made for our future upon my mom’s return all seemed to be put on hold, struggling, leaving us to question if they will ever come to fruition. This caused me to reflect in regret of having gone to Canada to assist my stepfather for a year and a half.
Despite knowing innately, it was by Divine design that I was meant to aid my family in their time of need, there were parts of self that wished I remained here in the states to save my business and still be of help to my family. I kept thinking I could have been a bigger help to my mom and everyone involved in the long run by staying, as I would still be able to assist others in need… given they sought me out and was disappointed when they learned I could not continue to work with them. I felt I let them down and Source who sent them to me. I could have brought in a steady income to aid my mom and me during her return from Canada and through her divorce proceedings.
Soon all the human emotions crept up within me. It was not my proudest of moments. For, in my mind, I cursed her husband for his treating her so poorly as he did during their marriage and even during his illness (Despite knowing he was sick, but too knowing when he was well… she was not the only one being treated in the same manner and more so, that I knew much of his anger, resentments all stemmed from his past and lack of faith in himself and in life). Rather, I focused on all the times we were there for him and how he continued to do less to help us help himself and offered little to no support financially or otherwise due to my not working and her limited income to support her and I while he expected us to remain there tending to his care day and night. To my surprise, in time I found I was even angry at my mom, as I knew of how he did not treat her well in the past and sensed he would do no better by my mom when he was sick. That he did not care about her and was only using her for his needs. That if or when he got better, he would not willingly offer a penny to help her move on nor would he offer compensation for the losses I incurred during my stay to care for him. I was right and was angry she did not listen to me, as I believed we could have gotten out sooner than we did. That neither of us would have gone through so much angst, emotional, mental, physical, and even financial exhaustion as both hers and my savings were depleted to pay for my rent and bills back home, to pay for an attorney to extend my stay in Canada to tend to his care and credit card debts we ran up to keep us afloat when the money ran out. All this only pulled my energies and desires to move forward down, feeling more restricted and finding life, and more so myself… less desirable. For I had failed me. I gave up much of my daily practices to tend to his care. I was not always able to exercise daily as needed. Sometimes it was months in between. Soon I was binging on sweets and processed foods to pacify the pain I was feeling, instead of turning inward, looking to Source for guidance and my tools to get me through. I kept focusing on the fears, the emptiness that the nightmare we kept facing would never end.
With this, my mom and I went into deep depressions. My mom was still struggling with her health issues and soon I found I did not have the strength or energy to keep going. It seemed that every time we found the will or faith to apply our tools, sending out our prayers and doing all we can to stay in balance and receiving answers for them, it appeared to only invite more problems to continue plaguing us. Soon my health became affected and for the first time in over fifteen years, the flu hit hard and lasted for a month. Then at one point, I had a brief scare with what I though was also my heart. Thankfully it was not Covid nor my heart.
As time went on, I learned my mom was as worried about me, as I was worried about her. We could see both of us were nowhere near where we once were. And thankfully, our discussions helped us to get us out of the slump we got ourselves into… just enough to begin once again, working on our daily practices of meditation, visualizations and working on the healing process.
Thanks to Master Metatron, Master Archangel Michael, Archangel Uriel, Raphael, Ariel, Mother Mary, Jesus… amongst others… including Source itself… has been working/communicating fervently with us. They tried to reassure us when my mom’s symptoms began that her health issues are very minor and are not to be of concern, that we both simply need to work on ourselves and the rest will take care of itself. Sure enough…. After all those tests and seeing the heart specialist, it was confirmed that while there was found to be an anomaly with the heart, it is so minor that it is not even worth talking about nor of a concern. We are so thankful my mom’s heart is not an issue any more, yet it was confirmed by her doctor and the specialist, that with all she had been put through, she is overly stressed, anxious and needs to get back on track with self. While relieved, at first my mom was disheartened because here she still had all the symptoms and no clue how to get past this and get her strength back.
Weeks are leading to a couple of months now that we have been focused, getting back on track with self and with Source. It is amazing how much we gained from having walked through every aspect of our experiences. As a result, a miracle happened. One day, my mom and I… at various times during the same day… had heard a similar voice in our heads with a message not to lose faith, that the gates of our desires are now open to us. Later that evening while we were watching tv, my mom shared that message she had heard while she was sitting out on the patio earlier in the day. Goosebumps ran through me as I recalled that same message word for word spoken to me while I was sleeping! Our jaws lowered to the floor. We were foretold more financial assistance is heading our way. Sure enough, we received a small settlement, our taxes came back giving us more than either of us expected.
As time went on, more and more miracles ensued. Thankfully, through collective channelings we both had conducted, plus readings, journaling’s and all the work she has been doing to heal the past, aided her to her strength. She still has some ebbs and flows with feeling a bit tired on some days, but as of this past week, she is back to doing some of her exercises, plus going for walks, doing tasks around the house, and can run errands for herself again…. Some of which had been done on the same day!!
To see all that was foretold unfolding as they are has given us both courage and faith!! To see so many synchronicities in the messages we have both received through angel numbers, animal totems, visions, intuitions, etc. all these months, knowing that even more is to head our way to aid us in our endeavors, hopes and dreams has helped us to know that all we have learned and are applying are keeping us in the flows… with One Mind of Source’s will.
Yet…. It has been a bit of a battle for me still. I will not lie. While I am seeing all Source has promised us is gradually coming to fruition, I am doing all I can per Source’s guidance to release and let go of the immense guilt I feel, the resentments, the self-doubts I have placed upon myself about myself.
For the longest time, I have been so good about keeping up with my rituals and spiritual practices, applying my tools, and taking care of me. I remember there was a time I received so many compliments from clients, friends, etc. of my ability to stay so strong and true to my faith and rituals, as they… like me, could see how it positively affected me and aided me in all I did. Now…. It feels like a lifetime ago. I was so strong in guiding others to see the vast importance to stay true to our daily spiritual rituals and practices… not just when it is convenient, but when we are facing our darkest hours and challenges too. For that is when we need it most. To put ourselves first in terms of care. For if we fail to do so, we become less and less affective in our own lives and for that of others who may call upon us in their times of need.
I find myself continually reflecting, blaming, shaming myself for allowing me to stray for as long or as often as I have from my daily rituals and practices that used to keep me stronger in faith. I used to walk daily, do my exercises daily, eat right with organics daily, omitting the sugars and processed foods. But for the past few years, it has been hit and miss in my daily workouts. In fact, there have been times when life gets in the way and it would be months between getting a decent walk or exercise regiment in. Even the foods I eat are now an ill-fated attempt to compensate for my short-comings perceived in life and to fill the voids I feel in self. I do what I can to get back into the regiments of my healing and daily practices, yet… something always seems to happen or comes up and I slide away from them again, leaving me to feel discouraged in my desires do them and feeling discouraged when I cannot do them as I desire to do so strongly, as life seems to have other plans for me. I was going great guns and finding my passion in the writing of my books again… yet, as I begin to really see all that there is to type up and more updates to add from all that was learned in the recent years to make further sense of these books and their purpose…. I feel I am in over my head… that I may never catch up.
Additionally, there are days I struggle with believing I have failed my purpose as a healer, not having the time, energy or focus as I richly desire, to help others in need. To be so consumed with family and with catching up in self… I felt I have let Source, others in need, and myself down.
As such, it all seems to spiral, making it hard for me to face friends, acquaintances, as I desire to be remembered and seen for who I know I really can be and have been noted for in years past, so positive and loving, so devoted to my path… which gave me such humbled pleasure to be seen in this light, a light I love and value to share with others. Yet, I know isolation is not the answer and is quite frankly… ridiculous. I didn’t feel much like posting these past couple of months, as I feared sounding like a hypocrite… do as Source says, not as I do. I used to reflect Source’s wills and desires for us all. All of this leaves me to feel I need to get myself back on track before being active on my sites so I can become that true positive light and influence for others once again.
Thanks to dearest friends, like Jody Pogorzelski, Master Archangel Michael, Archangel Uriel, etc. I realize how all this is largely ego, not the wills of Source, nor of my soul. That even as healers, we are never perfect nor expected to be. None of us are. When we compare ourselves to others, which as of late, I tended to do; I am being reminded there are people with high educational degrees and still mistakes are made in such professions they have learned and acquired. That no matter where we are in self, in life, in our professions and goals. Mistakes, ebbs, and flows are Divinely intended and orchestrated. It is not just through our triumphs and victories that stories are made and shared, but through humbleness, vulnerability we are all able to share, learn and grow together. I feel so silly now, as all this is also what I share in my sessions with others as a healer and counselor of the light. Yet, I am both honored, humbled, and grateful to have walked what feels to be the longest and hardest paths yet taken. As it is helping me, encouraging me, strengthening me to shine my light ever brighter. To see the good in all experiences. To be more fully aware of our connections to All That Is and our abilities given to use and to share. To help me learn what true friendships are and what being a true healer means and entails.
I am learning and solidifying ever more that not only are we not meant to live perfect lives, we are not meant to adhere to straight paths as desired to achieve our goals and dreams. That we need contrasts, obstacles, sideroads/alternate paths to not only keep us humble, but to guide us to greater understanding of what is true, real, of what really matters most when all is said and done. More so, it is very important to heal the perceptions of all that is “wrong” in ourselves, our lives or that of others. Rather to dig deeper and see all the invaluable purposes behind the painful experiences faced. To not measure ourselves by our perceived failures, as they are the keys needed to guide us to our successes and not to give up on ourselves or others. To love and respect ourselves just as we are, for there is always something so precious about each and everyone of us that is to be celebrated and honored, respected… cherished. To never loose faith in self or in All That Is. For I learned through the numerous challenges that unfolded these past few years of our truest strength we all carry within. That the desire is still there deep within to do, be, succeed at our heart's desires, wills and intents. That as we reach deep within it gives us the courage, strength and tenacity to never gave up. We may have allowed ourselves to be knocked down… but we are still very much able and capable to rise up again, dust ourselves off and keep moving forward.
It is so very important to learn from past." mistakes" and life lessons, not with fear, but with love and appreciation for all the good and positives they teach that can empower and make us stronger, wiser, more gracious and understanding. The greatest of these lessons is I have grown ever closer to the One who created us. To see the vast importance of maintaining that One Connection of which we all derive from. For without that connection and being mindful of that connection, working within that connection… we lose focus of ourselves, our real purpose for being here, and all the tools we possess to assists us on the journeys we face. To realized that though we share many similarities with one another and yet, live our own very personal and unique journeys… we are never alone. We will never walk alone. For we are one with All That Is. That life will support us if we allow it, are not afraid of it and know we are not only safe within this life, that we ALL are very worthy of it.
It is because of all this and so much more, I am fully committed to do all I can to get myself back on track and very determined to get there… with love, grace, patience, and gratitude… did I mention patience? LOL. For all may take some time, but I… we are all worth that time and extra care, for that is the reason we are here in the first place. I am doing all I can now to look beyond at all that appears not to be here, as we may desire them to be nor to look at all that remains ahead for me that needs to be healed… but rather look instead to the joys of all that I am truly learning on core levels, to look to the steps I am taking VS. what I have not yet done. That I am fully desiring to get back to where I was long before Canada took place…. But in ways far better and wiser than before, as we truly have learned so, so much that otherwise would not have been made possible in its fullest depths without all that unfolded over these past few years.
Blessings to all Beloveds and thank you for your love, time, and patience.
Namaste
It has been a long time since I have been online and while I try to do what I can to keep everyone in the loop, with the hard times faced, it is not always easy to be vulnerable, open…. For me especially as a healer, as ironic it is for me to say.
I have always been an advocate for not comparing ourselves to others, to never see ourselves as less than, especially when challenges and life lessons appear to tear us down. Yet, it is the tearing down and the rebuilding of a stronger, yet more loving, compassionate, and caring soul/human experience that makes all that we go through worthwhile and too makes it truly our finest hours.
Today, I would like to share more of our story with you, as not only is it aiding in the writings of the books I am to share and publish, it aids in my healing as I write this for you. Yet, most importantly, I pray that sharing of our story today may help heal, enlighten, encourage, and give hope to others along the way.
Prior to my stepfather’s illness, my mom was looking to divorce, having surrendered to the realization they simply were not compatible after time and efforts made. When my mom first met her husband to be, he was able to laugh, see some positives in life, despite all he shared with my mom regarding his past and the deep hurts he carried within. He was still able to hold on to hope, faith. This is one of the things she loved about him, as she saw some of these abilities in herself, as she too held a lot of pain from her early years in life. They both knew and understood that pain. It was shortly after their marriage, my mom grew ever stronger into her spirituality, working very hard and diligently to heal current and past life’s traumatic experiences. She has grown into her gifts as a healer of self and a medium in her own right, of which I am truly so very proud of her! Sadly, as time went on, my stepfather no longer shared in any of our beliefs we acquired over the years. In fact, due to his earlier experiences in life caused him to progressively become more negative in nature over the years in finding fault with life, himself, and others… be it his friends, family, or acquaintances he met along the way. As time went on, due to his past that never had a chance to heal, it carried over into in his later years. So, when additional twists and turns of life continue to unfold for him in life, instead of turning to faith or being able to laugh, his impatience and intolerances grew as his once very strong beliefs in a higher power ceased to exists. In time, my mom simply could not endure living in that negativity he shared with her, towards her and with others. It was during this process of proceeding with the divorce, my stepfather fell suddenly ill with encephalitis, which from there created a series of other illnesses for him to endure and overcome. Despite all that transpired with my stepfather, she refused to leave his side. She did the best she could, but sadly, even with my continued aid and assistance… his illness was too much for us to handle on our own. It was then decided by the medical team that we consider sending him to a facility that can give him the 24-hour care he needs, giving her husband and his family the peace of mind we all needed. At first, her husband was angered that he could not die in his own home with our overseeing his care, even if it led to more weeks, months, or even a year of this endurance. But after time, he realized all what we had faced and would continue to face bringing him to the conclusion it would be best for my mom to return home stateside and he moves on to that facility which luckily would be located closer to his family in Montreal, which was about four hours from where my mom and her husband resided near Kingston.
My mom’s divorce dragged on for almost a year due to indifferences, as he refused to share in the profits of the sale for the home they shared in fear, he needed every penny for the new facility he was moving to. Yet, my mom needed her share of the funds to move back to the states (As she sold her home and most of her furnishings to be united with him in Canada). She turned to our gracious Father Creator and our Beloved guides for help and assistance. They assured her to let go. Archangel Michael, reminded her long before all this took place that she was not to rely on her husband financially and to trust Source will provide all she needs, as they indicated back then, her marriage to her husband was nearing an end. As she remembered this, she did not want the divorce to drag on any more. She received a very small portion of the settlement in order to at least get some money to aid us after all we endured caring for her husband when he was ill and to move my mom back home.
It was not long after the divorce details were agreed upon and supported by the courts, that my mom’s health became affected once again. It appeared the stress of all she endured over the past three years caught up with her and was perceived to have affected her heart, as she was feeling heaviness on her chest, shortness of breath. Her being fatigued grew worse over time and she was beginning to lose her balance. This caused her the inability to function around the house to do even the simplest of tasks like take a shower or walk from one side of the apartment to the other, much more leave the house to do any kind of shopping for herself or even get out with friends. Because of her state, I was afraid to leave her alone and much was left up to me to tend to on her behalf, so once again my business was put on hold.
All that we faced the past three years caught up with my mom and I… the tending to my stepfather’s care and seeing his relentless struggles, the relinquishing of my business due to tending to the needs of my family abroad and at home for over two years, as an only child and living relative to my mom; The sale of their home, then having to go through the divorce process of my mom and stepfather witnessing the fears they faced financially, facing the loss of the equal settlement we had hoped for, my mom’s health struggles and concerns, not having the time to dedicate to the books I am meant to write and our plans we had made for our future upon my mom’s return all seemed to be put on hold, struggling, leaving us to question if they will ever come to fruition. This caused me to reflect in regret of having gone to Canada to assist my stepfather for a year and a half.
Despite knowing innately, it was by Divine design that I was meant to aid my family in their time of need, there were parts of self that wished I remained here in the states to save my business and still be of help to my family. I kept thinking I could have been a bigger help to my mom and everyone involved in the long run by staying, as I would still be able to assist others in need… given they sought me out and was disappointed when they learned I could not continue to work with them. I felt I let them down and Source who sent them to me. I could have brought in a steady income to aid my mom and me during her return from Canada and through her divorce proceedings.
Soon all the human emotions crept up within me. It was not my proudest of moments. For, in my mind, I cursed her husband for his treating her so poorly as he did during their marriage and even during his illness (Despite knowing he was sick, but too knowing when he was well… she was not the only one being treated in the same manner and more so, that I knew much of his anger, resentments all stemmed from his past and lack of faith in himself and in life). Rather, I focused on all the times we were there for him and how he continued to do less to help us help himself and offered little to no support financially or otherwise due to my not working and her limited income to support her and I while he expected us to remain there tending to his care day and night. To my surprise, in time I found I was even angry at my mom, as I knew of how he did not treat her well in the past and sensed he would do no better by my mom when he was sick. That he did not care about her and was only using her for his needs. That if or when he got better, he would not willingly offer a penny to help her move on nor would he offer compensation for the losses I incurred during my stay to care for him. I was right and was angry she did not listen to me, as I believed we could have gotten out sooner than we did. That neither of us would have gone through so much angst, emotional, mental, physical, and even financial exhaustion as both hers and my savings were depleted to pay for my rent and bills back home, to pay for an attorney to extend my stay in Canada to tend to his care and credit card debts we ran up to keep us afloat when the money ran out. All this only pulled my energies and desires to move forward down, feeling more restricted and finding life, and more so myself… less desirable. For I had failed me. I gave up much of my daily practices to tend to his care. I was not always able to exercise daily as needed. Sometimes it was months in between. Soon I was binging on sweets and processed foods to pacify the pain I was feeling, instead of turning inward, looking to Source for guidance and my tools to get me through. I kept focusing on the fears, the emptiness that the nightmare we kept facing would never end.
With this, my mom and I went into deep depressions. My mom was still struggling with her health issues and soon I found I did not have the strength or energy to keep going. It seemed that every time we found the will or faith to apply our tools, sending out our prayers and doing all we can to stay in balance and receiving answers for them, it appeared to only invite more problems to continue plaguing us. Soon my health became affected and for the first time in over fifteen years, the flu hit hard and lasted for a month. Then at one point, I had a brief scare with what I though was also my heart. Thankfully it was not Covid nor my heart.
As time went on, I learned my mom was as worried about me, as I was worried about her. We could see both of us were nowhere near where we once were. And thankfully, our discussions helped us to get us out of the slump we got ourselves into… just enough to begin once again, working on our daily practices of meditation, visualizations and working on the healing process.
Thanks to Master Metatron, Master Archangel Michael, Archangel Uriel, Raphael, Ariel, Mother Mary, Jesus… amongst others… including Source itself… has been working/communicating fervently with us. They tried to reassure us when my mom’s symptoms began that her health issues are very minor and are not to be of concern, that we both simply need to work on ourselves and the rest will take care of itself. Sure enough…. After all those tests and seeing the heart specialist, it was confirmed that while there was found to be an anomaly with the heart, it is so minor that it is not even worth talking about nor of a concern. We are so thankful my mom’s heart is not an issue any more, yet it was confirmed by her doctor and the specialist, that with all she had been put through, she is overly stressed, anxious and needs to get back on track with self. While relieved, at first my mom was disheartened because here she still had all the symptoms and no clue how to get past this and get her strength back.
Weeks are leading to a couple of months now that we have been focused, getting back on track with self and with Source. It is amazing how much we gained from having walked through every aspect of our experiences. As a result, a miracle happened. One day, my mom and I… at various times during the same day… had heard a similar voice in our heads with a message not to lose faith, that the gates of our desires are now open to us. Later that evening while we were watching tv, my mom shared that message she had heard while she was sitting out on the patio earlier in the day. Goosebumps ran through me as I recalled that same message word for word spoken to me while I was sleeping! Our jaws lowered to the floor. We were foretold more financial assistance is heading our way. Sure enough, we received a small settlement, our taxes came back giving us more than either of us expected.
As time went on, more and more miracles ensued. Thankfully, through collective channelings we both had conducted, plus readings, journaling’s and all the work she has been doing to heal the past, aided her to her strength. She still has some ebbs and flows with feeling a bit tired on some days, but as of this past week, she is back to doing some of her exercises, plus going for walks, doing tasks around the house, and can run errands for herself again…. Some of which had been done on the same day!!
To see all that was foretold unfolding as they are has given us both courage and faith!! To see so many synchronicities in the messages we have both received through angel numbers, animal totems, visions, intuitions, etc. all these months, knowing that even more is to head our way to aid us in our endeavors, hopes and dreams has helped us to know that all we have learned and are applying are keeping us in the flows… with One Mind of Source’s will.
Yet…. It has been a bit of a battle for me still. I will not lie. While I am seeing all Source has promised us is gradually coming to fruition, I am doing all I can per Source’s guidance to release and let go of the immense guilt I feel, the resentments, the self-doubts I have placed upon myself about myself.
For the longest time, I have been so good about keeping up with my rituals and spiritual practices, applying my tools, and taking care of me. I remember there was a time I received so many compliments from clients, friends, etc. of my ability to stay so strong and true to my faith and rituals, as they… like me, could see how it positively affected me and aided me in all I did. Now…. It feels like a lifetime ago. I was so strong in guiding others to see the vast importance to stay true to our daily spiritual rituals and practices… not just when it is convenient, but when we are facing our darkest hours and challenges too. For that is when we need it most. To put ourselves first in terms of care. For if we fail to do so, we become less and less affective in our own lives and for that of others who may call upon us in their times of need.
I find myself continually reflecting, blaming, shaming myself for allowing me to stray for as long or as often as I have from my daily rituals and practices that used to keep me stronger in faith. I used to walk daily, do my exercises daily, eat right with organics daily, omitting the sugars and processed foods. But for the past few years, it has been hit and miss in my daily workouts. In fact, there have been times when life gets in the way and it would be months between getting a decent walk or exercise regiment in. Even the foods I eat are now an ill-fated attempt to compensate for my short-comings perceived in life and to fill the voids I feel in self. I do what I can to get back into the regiments of my healing and daily practices, yet… something always seems to happen or comes up and I slide away from them again, leaving me to feel discouraged in my desires do them and feeling discouraged when I cannot do them as I desire to do so strongly, as life seems to have other plans for me. I was going great guns and finding my passion in the writing of my books again… yet, as I begin to really see all that there is to type up and more updates to add from all that was learned in the recent years to make further sense of these books and their purpose…. I feel I am in over my head… that I may never catch up.
Additionally, there are days I struggle with believing I have failed my purpose as a healer, not having the time, energy or focus as I richly desire, to help others in need. To be so consumed with family and with catching up in self… I felt I have let Source, others in need, and myself down.
As such, it all seems to spiral, making it hard for me to face friends, acquaintances, as I desire to be remembered and seen for who I know I really can be and have been noted for in years past, so positive and loving, so devoted to my path… which gave me such humbled pleasure to be seen in this light, a light I love and value to share with others. Yet, I know isolation is not the answer and is quite frankly… ridiculous. I didn’t feel much like posting these past couple of months, as I feared sounding like a hypocrite… do as Source says, not as I do. I used to reflect Source’s wills and desires for us all. All of this leaves me to feel I need to get myself back on track before being active on my sites so I can become that true positive light and influence for others once again.
Thanks to dearest friends, like Jody Pogorzelski, Master Archangel Michael, Archangel Uriel, etc. I realize how all this is largely ego, not the wills of Source, nor of my soul. That even as healers, we are never perfect nor expected to be. None of us are. When we compare ourselves to others, which as of late, I tended to do; I am being reminded there are people with high educational degrees and still mistakes are made in such professions they have learned and acquired. That no matter where we are in self, in life, in our professions and goals. Mistakes, ebbs, and flows are Divinely intended and orchestrated. It is not just through our triumphs and victories that stories are made and shared, but through humbleness, vulnerability we are all able to share, learn and grow together. I feel so silly now, as all this is also what I share in my sessions with others as a healer and counselor of the light. Yet, I am both honored, humbled, and grateful to have walked what feels to be the longest and hardest paths yet taken. As it is helping me, encouraging me, strengthening me to shine my light ever brighter. To see the good in all experiences. To be more fully aware of our connections to All That Is and our abilities given to use and to share. To help me learn what true friendships are and what being a true healer means and entails.
I am learning and solidifying ever more that not only are we not meant to live perfect lives, we are not meant to adhere to straight paths as desired to achieve our goals and dreams. That we need contrasts, obstacles, sideroads/alternate paths to not only keep us humble, but to guide us to greater understanding of what is true, real, of what really matters most when all is said and done. More so, it is very important to heal the perceptions of all that is “wrong” in ourselves, our lives or that of others. Rather to dig deeper and see all the invaluable purposes behind the painful experiences faced. To not measure ourselves by our perceived failures, as they are the keys needed to guide us to our successes and not to give up on ourselves or others. To love and respect ourselves just as we are, for there is always something so precious about each and everyone of us that is to be celebrated and honored, respected… cherished. To never loose faith in self or in All That Is. For I learned through the numerous challenges that unfolded these past few years of our truest strength we all carry within. That the desire is still there deep within to do, be, succeed at our heart's desires, wills and intents. That as we reach deep within it gives us the courage, strength and tenacity to never gave up. We may have allowed ourselves to be knocked down… but we are still very much able and capable to rise up again, dust ourselves off and keep moving forward.
It is so very important to learn from past." mistakes" and life lessons, not with fear, but with love and appreciation for all the good and positives they teach that can empower and make us stronger, wiser, more gracious and understanding. The greatest of these lessons is I have grown ever closer to the One who created us. To see the vast importance of maintaining that One Connection of which we all derive from. For without that connection and being mindful of that connection, working within that connection… we lose focus of ourselves, our real purpose for being here, and all the tools we possess to assists us on the journeys we face. To realized that though we share many similarities with one another and yet, live our own very personal and unique journeys… we are never alone. We will never walk alone. For we are one with All That Is. That life will support us if we allow it, are not afraid of it and know we are not only safe within this life, that we ALL are very worthy of it.
It is because of all this and so much more, I am fully committed to do all I can to get myself back on track and very determined to get there… with love, grace, patience, and gratitude… did I mention patience? LOL. For all may take some time, but I… we are all worth that time and extra care, for that is the reason we are here in the first place. I am doing all I can now to look beyond at all that appears not to be here, as we may desire them to be nor to look at all that remains ahead for me that needs to be healed… but rather look instead to the joys of all that I am truly learning on core levels, to look to the steps I am taking VS. what I have not yet done. That I am fully desiring to get back to where I was long before Canada took place…. But in ways far better and wiser than before, as we truly have learned so, so much that otherwise would not have been made possible in its fullest depths without all that unfolded over these past few years.
Blessings to all Beloveds and thank you for your love, time, and patience.
Namaste